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    Copyright © 2014 unruly

    Cauchemar

    Sometimes I think it might be enough for the wild things of your brain to assert themselves sufficiently that instead of pretending they don’t exist, you have to turn your gaze to them, even if you can’t classify them. Taxonomy is good and useful — delicious, even — but maybe not always necessary. Maybe you don’t always have to be able to assign a clear name or narrative or meaning to a nightmare. Maybe the beast that rises from the deeps when you dream a dream like that doesn’t have to be a beast you recognise. Maybe not being able to speak the creature’s name is not only okay but an important component of baddreaming.

    It really boils down to this: I believe in going to dark places. A lot I do, because to be shed of the terrible, exhausting burdens that keep you from making your life be the thing you want it to be, you have to acknowledge those burdens exist. Sometimes you don’t even know there are bad things needing acknowledgment until you dream them. I’m not talking about the bad dreams that present you with images or scenarios that are easily understood: dreams about wretched things happening to people you love fall into this category. They are for sure hair-raising, those dreams, fear-inducing, tear-producing. But for me, those bad dreams are far less commonplace and less powerful in the long-term than the  jesus christ dial me up a straitjacket, stat bad dreams whose meaning is elusive but whose psychotropic terriblenesses burr themselves painfully and stubbornly into the brain.

    I used to think I needed to understand those dreams. Interpret them. Work out their meaning. I don’t so much feel that way any more. I think it is entirely necessary to have those dreams and not to avert your gaze from what they cast before your eyes. They make you afraid, those dreams, they offer you the gift of confronting your fear in order to dispel and disperse it. That is what I have found. When you can go towards the difficult thing, it becomes less difficult. I am a confrontationalist in this way. Very much so. What your bad dreams mean … I’m not sure you need to know what every bad dream means. Maybe some of them are just generalised renderings of the sundryness of the bad, paralysing, hurty, crappy, scary junk that weighs us down and stands in the way of happyness and wholeness and fulfillingness (first and subsequent finales). Maybe. I kind of think so.

    You know, it’s hard for me to say this stuff, to pooh-pooh meaning. I like meaning. Hell, I loooove meaning. Meaning and me are sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, most of the time. I like to find meaning and to assign meaning and to make meaning. I do, very much. But some things are unknowable and unfathomable and unautopysable. And that’s okay; we can’t know everything; we can’t own all meaning. There are mysteries out there in the big, small world and we can’t be privy to the solutions to all of them. Sometimes we have to let mysteries be mysterious. I think we do.

    I never want to have bad dreams but I have them anyway. I’m not exactly glad I do, but really I’m glad I do, if you see what I mean.No, I never want to have another nightmare, but I do want to learn everything I can learn, about this big and small world, and about this big and small me. Nightmare will help me learn, and I will let it.

    Dreambrother by Harma Heikens, 2005
    Dreambrother by Harma Heikens, 2005
    Via http://www.harmaheikens.nl/index.html
    Weasels Ripped My Flesh, album cover for Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, 1970
    Weasels Ripped My Flesh, album cover for Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, 1970
    Via Wikipedia
    Armageddon by Terence Koh, 2007
    Armageddon by Terence Koh, 2007
    Via Peres Projects
    Installation, The National Museum of Art, ARchitecture and Design, Oslo, 2009, by assume vivid astro focus
    Installation by assume vivid astro focus, The National Museum of art, Architecture and Design, Oslo, Norway, 2009
    Via Peres Projects
    I will eat everything that is in my sight so that I can be as round as the world by Terence Koh, 2008
    I will eat everything that is in my sight so that I can be as round as the world by Terence Koh, 2008
    Via Peres Projects
    Howling #3 by Amie Dicke, 2006, via peresprojects
    Howling #3 by Amie Dicke, 2006
    Via Peres Projects
    Abduct by Amie Dicke, 2007, via peresprojects
    Abduct by Amie Dicke, 2007
    Via Peres Projects
    Illustration by Richard Hoggs, via boooooooom
    Illustration by Richard Hogg
    Via Booooooom
    buy a hotdog, or he'll fuck your shit up, photo by rachel cheetham douglas
    buy a hotdog or he'll fuck your shit up by rachel cheetham douglas, 2009
    nates-tears
    Nate's tears by Nate Oberst, 2001
    Guinea pig hair comb by Reid Peppard, via beautifuldecay
    Guinea pig hair comb by Reid Peppard
    Via Beautiful Decay
    Untitled, Casa de Frida Kahlo by Graciela Iturbide, 2005 via artnet
    Casa de Frida Kahlo by Graciela Iturbide, 2005
    ViaBlog Leituras Favre
    Mauvais Reves by Alice Richard on behance
    Mauvais Reves by Alice Richard
    Via Alice Richard's portfolio on the Behance Network
    Les Yeux Sans Visage (1959) Dir. Georges Franju, via wurzeltod.tumblr
    Still from Les Yeux Sans Visage, 1959, directed by Georges Franju
    Via http://wurzeltod.tumblr.com/search/franju
    skullcake04 via monicakitty42's photostream
    Photograph by Javier Vallhonrat, via dailserving
    Photograph by Javier Vallhonrat, via Daily Serving
    ob, 2007, by Thomas Rentmeister
    ob by Thomas Rentmeister, 2007
    Image source unknown
    Mother and Child by Harma Heikens
    Mother and Child by Harma Heikens
    Via http://www.harmaheikens.nl/index.html
    mary had a little lamp by cabracega, image © designboom
    mary had a little lampby cabracega
    Via designboom
    Image © designboom
    kewpie-zombie
    Kewpie cell phone charm
    Via Dvice
    blog
    Untitled
    Image source unknown
    Image via ffffound
    Image via ffffound
    Grocery store decoration, Grenville, Quebec
    For Nina: Grocery store decoration, Grenville, Quebec by Katy McDevitt, 2008
    Get permission Lottie the Dog Face Girl by floresita (unafloresita.blogspot.com)
    Lottie the Dog Face Girlby floresita
    Via floresita's photostream on flickr
    cyOSLXuNNpyjr385ZFcQA1G2o1_1280.jpg
    Crazy lady
    Image source unknown
    Curious gulls on Sanibel Island, FLA by Richard Rush, via boston.com-bigpicture
    Curious gulls on Sanibel Island, Florida by Richard Rush
    Via Boston.com, The Big Picture
    Suicide room X by Jarg Geismar, 2004, via jirisvestka.com
    Suicide room X by Jarg Geismar, 2004
    Via Jiri Svestka Gallery
    Bobby Hull by Lisa Brawn (on flickr)
    Bobby Hull by Lisa Brawn
    Via Lisa Brawn's photostream on flickr
    Bloodrock USA via ffffound
    Bloodrock USA via ffffound
    Beware thoughts that come in the night via icanread.tumblr.com
    Beware thoughts that come in the night
    Via i can read
    4 Comments

    I have no idea what you are talking about. My inner thoughts are all puppies and unicorns and rainbows and uuh… fucking sparkly flowery nonsense.

    I used to live in the darkness and I loved it, looved it like fire. Except it was killing me. And it’s still in there and it still really totally absolutely wants to kill me. It really only shows itself on really bad days and yeah in my dreams. Kind of humorous actually – driving home this morning after dropping the boy off at school, I was thinking of a dream that I had about a painfully estranged friend, and I thought “My unconscious mind really likes fucking with me” so there you go. Sure.

    Kim added these words on Dec 02 09 at 1:41 pm

    bahaaa i would so totally make the seagull photo my wallpaper at work… if i had a computer. (actually, i just wrote “ballpaper,” speaking of nightmares.)

    the most vivid of my WTF dreams – or at least, the one that remained most vividly – was one i had years ago. there were rows and rows of men on tables. each table was equipped with what i can only describe as one of those bagel-cutter guillotine things. and each man’s job was to use it to cut his own head off. and there were these… overseers, i guess, in purple robes, wandering around, watching. and if they decided that someone was working hard enough and doing a good enough job, they would reward him by cutting off his head for him.

    i dunno. i figure those kindsa dreams, they either mean nothing at all, or way more than i want to know. either way, i’m good.

    rache added these words on Dec 02 09 at 1:41 pm

    Bravissima! I’ve been championing going into dark places for a long time myself and it’s nice to have another kindred spirit. Without the darkness we can’t fully appreciate the light.

    Strix Luna added these words on Dec 02 09 at 1:45 pm

    I think you can’t dwell there full-time, KIm, or indeed it’ll destroy you. But I do think that to be willing to look as unflinchingly as possible into that dark corner is important. Something about living the examined life. Something about recognising fear and then pushing past it. Something along those lines, yes.

    And as an aside, remind me never to get a job in New Jersey. Those purple-robed guys sound like real buzz-killers.

    Katy added these words on Dec 02 09 at 1:58 pm



    Digg!