Storm is always what I want
Last night was mad where I live. A storm blew up in the early evening and the sky went black and the rain was a swirling chaos and the thunder and lightning were slamming wildly in the atmosphere, and it was all feeling almost too close for comfort, and for me to say that is something, really something, because there is almost nothing I love more than bad weather.
There were funnel clouds and tornados too, altho’ not right where I was, and then the sky turned green and it was like the world would maybe finally stop spinning on its axis, and I stood on my front porch watching the wild pulse and beat of it all and letting the wind drive the rain into me, because really truly, storm is delicious.
Then I remembered last year in Dublin, when one morning I ran 5K alongside the Irish sea. It was a bad day according to the locals, stormy, a gale, they called it, and for true it was pretty inhospitable outside but I could think of nothing better than the wind and the rain and the saltwater banging up against me as I ran and looked out across foggy Dublin Bay. Bad weather always enchants me and roils me up in in a way that’s full of the loveliest shiver and shudder. Bad weather always makes me remember the curve of the world, always makes me remember my animal self, and bad weather always feels like love. I always want to walk straight into bad weather and be that figure you see in the distance, pushing up against the blizzard or the downpour or the punishing wind. I think I could live in a world that was mostly bad weather. Bad weather feels like something true.
Later, after my run, I sat in my friend Ali’s kitchen, listening to the windows of her little cottage rattle and wondering if the wind might blow them in even as I knew of course it wouldn’t but enjoying entertaining the possibility nonethless, and I looked out at her walled garden and at the mad jump and jive of the windblown flora out there and I was deeply stirred and filled with joy at the thought of going out into it again, to meet up with Ali and to go to the place where the seals often are, and my expectations of that experience were fulfilled in all ways and then some, because the wild seals in the wild sea were the most perfect, charming creatures I ever laid eyes on, and the world of wind and wave was exactly the world I wanted.
Storm is always what I want, as much of it as I can ever get.